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Ninja Kitty

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Another year [06 Jun 2017|08:54pm]
This time last year I was excruciating mental pain. The anguish felt eternal. There is still anger,hurt, and ahame. But, there is joy too. And lots of love. Work is mostly enjoyable. My physical shape is not what it was last year. Medication started a bad trend. Thankfully that medication is finished. Slowly beginning to motivate myself again. Not easy but I've done it before, I'll do it again. I don't know where this relationship will go, but I am getting comfortable. Need more privacy in such small quarters, but we're making due.
I have to learn to love myself. There are exercises I should try. Wherever I am in life, I am mostly better, some spots worse. But the shifts are balancing out.

The sunset is beautiful. I think I'll go watch.

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Spring [12 Apr 2016|07:58pm]

Words whispered in the dark, full of love and meaning become a complete farce in seconds. Hearing the same words shared with another makes one question every second spent believing. Trusting. Loving.
Who ever said 'words can never hurt me', has clearly never lived in someone else's lies.

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Rides [20 Feb 2016|09:26pm]

These childish rides are so ridiculous. Each time they stop and i try to get off, it just starts up again. I need to leave this park, but i dont know how.

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Rollercoasters [09 Feb 2016|12:50pm]

You start thinking things are going well. Doing all that is asked of you. Chances are it wasn't the right thing at all.
Going to continue on my way, do what I love. If anyone wants to come along, I'll see you there.

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[18 Jan 2016|09:54pm]

Things have been exciting lately. Meeting new people, making awesome friends. Spontaneous trips and many shenanigans. Im getting better at balancing everything. Still looking for a new place. It takes me a long time to get comfortable with a new idea. Especially when its such a big change. Working on getting my lisence, which i find terrifying. My business isnt going so well in the area i live in. Time to expand elsewhere. My work at Sunnybrook is over. I did love it, but it was a lot of work for very little money. Still trying to decide what i want to do as a career. Still, even with so much to do, im so happy.

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Days go on [09 Jan 2016|08:50am]

Not sure how to feel about much lately. So much confusion about where to go next. I want more for my future, but i keep losing my nerve. I dont know where to start. All the work I've done lately is great, but I'm feeling a bit lost now that it's almost over. Too easy to slip back. At least I felt I was doing something important, productice. Now what?

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Good Days [17 Dec 2015|05:54pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

So many things going on at once. I thought I would be overwhelmed. I have to say, I have not been this happy in a very long time. I don't even remember what I was doing this time last year. I guess I could go check, but I'm not all that interested, to be honest. I've finally surrounded myself (near and far) with people I absolutely adore. I still have bad days, as does anyone. Still, having those around you that make your days brighter makes all the difference.

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Shenanigans [02 Dec 2015|04:35am]
[ mood | optimistic ]

Twas a day of adventure. One I did not expect. This weekend was terrific, and it looks like the week will be even better. I just have to remember to keep my feet on the ground, and my head out of the clouds. ( =

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[22 Nov 2015|07:00pm]

November has been quite interesting so far.  A lot was acomplished. Met some new people, reconnected with old. I've learned that most people really don't change. I never want to be like that. I hope to learn, change and grow all my life. It doesn't cost any money to challenge your mind, or your body. Taking time to consider what you want, and who you want to be, is time well spent. <3

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[07 Nov 2015|08:56am]

A long time ago I lived at 701 Don Mills. Great big building on the corner. I loved the building and the pool. What I loved most was that our back yard led right into the valley. No long walk to get there, no dangerous roads to cross. Just a few steps, and you were surrounded by trees and the sound of rippling water. I don't spend nearly enough time there anymore. Maybe it's time to start.

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Hallowe'en Fool [06 Nov 2015|09:36pm]

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Silliness [06 Nov 2015|09:35pm]

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Moving on [03 Nov 2015|07:53pm]

Today was a tough, yet good day. Changing life habits takes a lot of effort and energy. Everyone needs a break and a breather, but standing still too long isnt good for anyone. One step at a time, that's all it takes. Soon you'll look up and be amazed at how far you've come.

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Relax [02 Nov 2015|03:21pm]

Today has been a nice relaxing day. I completely ignored my laundry and lazed reading books on this gorgeous day off. Snuggling with all the pets, whilst keeping my chocolate treats to myself. Hoping for a great work out. Feeling a bit guilty from all the treats.

Halloween was fun! I know it's early, but I'm quite excited for Christmas this year. I'm looking forward to sparkling streets, snowy trees and brightly decorated homes.

I can't wait for extra days off to visit with family and friends. Fun dinners, cute outfits and cozy blankets.

Sigh :)

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Happy [01 Nov 2015|10:53am]

I used to write. Well. Found some of my old work, under stacks of half written piano spatters and violin exercises. I almost didnt recognize it as my own. Had I not remebered flashes of moments, which inspired the writing, I wouldnt have a clue.

I used to really feel things, not just experience them. I used to care. Lately I feel hollow and light, devoid of deep, and painful emotions. Am I unable to feel?  Worry presents itself over mundane things. The most useless yet costly of all emotions. Anger bubbles up, but, even it, loses steam.

It then occured to me, the main reason that I cant write of misery or heartbreak. I don't feel them. Not over past relationships, nor of self hatred.

Basically, I'm happy.

Sure I get frustrated. It's easy to write about those days. On happy days, I forget to write. Im too busy enjoying myself. I have a safe home, family and friends I love. My family of pets. I have work I enjoy, and aim to make it a more sustainable form of self sufficiency.

I am fit again, and healthy. I spend my time learning, practicing, working, exercising and spending time with those who bring me joy.

I've learned to love myself, despite days of doubt. Spending time alone is no longer a fearful option. I look forward to each moment of personal time.

My future is in my hands, and mine alone. I cant imagine a more powerful emotion.

Perhaps I could write of joy, but who ever wants to read that. ;)

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[01 Apr 2009|04:09pm]

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[01 Apr 2009|02:12pm]
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Morning thoughts [28 Jan 2009|07:31am]
[ mood | rejuvenated ]

So it's an early Wednesday, as any Wednesday starts I guess. Not sleeping as much as I should be but it feels okay. I like being up waiting for the sun to rise. The birds love the routine, everyone gets started. The window is still cold to the touch, but the sun is trying to break through. My hands are hot from my mug. It's Tea today. Strawberry. The music starts up on my machine, my voice feels a little scratchy and dry. I sing along anyway. Open the window to let the cold air blow in. It smells so crisp and free. That's how my mornings make me feel, free. I really could do anything today. Sounds from the outside world whisper through the mesh. It feels like the wind is calling me out to play. A dog barks and breaks the silence like ice cracking. The cars rush by, people chatting, leaving for work. The noise of lives starting to hum. The day has begun. What shall we be today?

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Future [23 Jan 2009|07:12am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Wow, it's been a while since I've updated here. Things are going really well for me. I love where I live and the new friends I've made here. It's nice having a close friend living in the building, don't have to leave the building in bad weather to socialize or have a mini party. ( =

Having a place to call home that you love is a feeling I can't explain. To know I can always go home to my place of safety and happiness, comfort and joy, brings a sense of relief and security. A freedom from the world, where I can do as I please, dance at all hours and be myself completely.

Since I've been living here the relationship between my mother and I has improved drastically. It's so strange reading over my old posts of the things she used to do, it seems from another world. Granted, we still argue occasionally but nothing out of the ordinary. She is having more medical issues though with her lungs which we are addressing now and in the coming months. It may be bad news but I've grieved over it and am ready to help her fight whatever comes her way.

My health has thankfully been well, and the recent regular workouts has lifted all my winter blahs. I've learned that for me to be sane and happy physical activity has to be a part of my daily routine. When I'm active I'm happy and hopeful and ready to take on the world. As soon as I slip on my workouts I feel it emotionally first. I start to get depressed and want to binge on unhealthy foods that forces the spiral downward. I've known this about myself generally but having final confirmation that exercise is a cure all to my anxiety and stress is a big wake up. I'm finally feeling ready to be social again. I have been seeing some friends occasionally, not as much as I'd like.

My animals are all doing well, the family consists of Riley the dog, Gizmo the bunny, Kiwi the parrotlet, Mika the budgie, peanut the hamster and cosmo the fishie. Everyone is cozy and happy.

School is in my future this year, I'm really looking forward to going to UofT. It's about time I went back to school. I've had setbacks with finances and family issues, but those never go away. So now it's time to focus on that. I'm still not sure which career path I will choose but I'm sure it will open doors either way. I'll get new ideas and meet new people, and hopefully learn a whole lot. ( =

I've spent some time looking over my livejournal and had a lot of laughs through it. We all change so much more than we realize. Don't get me wrong I still love to party and have fun, but there is so much more to life now that I was scarcely aware of. The friends that I've kept through it all mean the world to me. Thanks for stickin around ( =
What an adventure my twenties were. Gonna be turning 30 this year and I'm looking forward to it. The experience and struggles have taught me so much more than I could have imagined.

All in all life has been good to me life is good, and the future is just around the corner (=

love Dar

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[04 Aug 2008|01:43pm]
A lot has been going on. I've been applying to volunteer with the Toronto Wildlife Center, and my interview went really well. They offered me to apply for a position that they now have open. I'm a bit weary about it though. It seems like a great place to work. But it's so far. I'd be gone from home for 11 hours at a time. What about Riley. Who would walk him in the middle of the day. I know he could hold it but I'd feel terrible leaving him all day long alone. I also haven't been working in a while, will I have the energy?
I'm thinking I'll just start with the volunteering and see how much I like it. Or possibly see if I can get part time, that would be a much easier transition for me. That's even thinking that I'd get the position although I seemed very qualified for it or so they said. My schooling has been going pretty well, enjoying that.
I also got a new bathing suit this weekend. SOOOO happy about that I needed one for a long time. I also had some fun girly pampering all weekend with a friend. I needed some girly time. I don't spend enough time pampering myself at all. Tried to go swimming during the week but the weather didn't co-operate. I'm hoping to swim sometime this week we'll see how that goes.

Other than that I've been enjoying my days and just having fun.

I miss lots of people, maybe I'll feel like going out dancing more often in the near future.

Love and hugs!

Dar Dar
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